All Along The Watchtower

"So didi, who is your best friend? "
A little girl in my building asks me this Question as we both are waiting for the elevator.
"................."
I have NOTHING too say!

I just recently realized I have NEVER had a best friend in my entire life ! There are stories , epic's based on best friends and their relationship. And here i am, lacking one thing which every one seems to have , a best friend .

Then I started analyzing my life.I have had many Close friends. I could bitch about anyone in front of them, paper chat with them during the geography and hindi classes in school (history and civics i was too busy shotuing and debating with the teacher! .. i swear i liked History and civics! ). I would hang out after school with these close friends. That kind of thing. But even under the catagory of "close friends" i had further divided it into "VERY close friends" and "Just close friends" .

BUT NO ONE EVER , made it to the last level of best friend.

During the end of 10th standard, me and two of my other "Just close friends" pavithra and advait, started talking more than usual. Since we would be up all the nights studying, they would call up on my cell and we would conference till the early mornings.sometimes THROUGHOUT THE NIGHT.

We would talk about ANYTHING under the sun. Everyday was a new topic to talk about.One night it was about football, the other about food, or we would ask each other RANDOM senseless questions to which we would answer truthfully( Example : Do you look at urself , when you are naked, in the mirror? Would you rather be obese or extremely thin? Advait, did you ever get an erection during any class ( Me & pavithra used to ask da MOST DISGUSTING QUESTIONS ... dat even ady didnt want to answer ) Would u buy Zidane or Ronaldinho? where do you think we will be in 15 years?et al )

I was actually explaning World war II (my fav topic) to advait, befor the HISTORY board exam in tapori language like "Causes of world war II: Bismarks diplomacy - Bismark created a rift between germany and France by .... " became " there was this dude called bismark .. uska france ke saath lafda ho gaya tha.... phir jab woh tapak gaya .... "

I became extremely close to them. I am their best friend.But they are not mine. They have told me every deepest secret of theirs , their problems .

But i could never share my deepest secrets nor my problems.

I dont know why. I guess it just makes me very uneasy maybe.

I always find solace in the fact that my secrets are safe with me, and no one knows what problems i am facing.

i guess i am a loner. I loner who is an extrovert too(weird combo..isnt it?) . anyone who knows me, will NEVER believe that i am a loner. THAT i LIKE being a loner.I love it. I love thinking and talking to myself. I love lying under the night sky and staring at the stars. I love staring into the sea.I love walking in the rain for hours.I love listening to Pink Floyd.I love being alone.

Once i had read in a book that "Despite their fixation on frienship, most aquarians do not have many intimates . they seek quantity rather than qualityin their associations, and they seldom settle down to a steady realtionship for more than a limited period.Usually, a peculiar kind of isolation hangs over the aquarian"

You think that is what it is?If it is.. are all aquarians like this? Well, maybe....

Untill i figure out this whole stiuation properly ... My best friend?
I'm guessing its me, myself and I.

"Wish u were here" by Pink Floyd is playing on Limewire, as i search for another particular Pink Floyd song called "Coming back to life".

I really not in a mood to talk or to listen to anyone talk.First symptoms of me turning into an actual loner?? MAY BE.

I cant wait for the Clock to strike 12. I have to leave for college then.Have to leave for my JEE classes directly after that.*sigh* .. following the typical middle-class fantasy of cracking IIT-JEE , sometimes I just hope that after these two grinding years for preapring for JEE , it is all worthwhile.That I will actually make it into ONE of those IIT's .

I never really realized how deep lyrics could get.Untill 5 years back, deep lyrics to me meant the Backstreet Boys crooning "As long as you love me..."

I recently got introduced as well as addicted to Pink Floyd after listing to a 2 hour Pink floyd special on the radio, late one night , while jotting down a few of my thoughts in my journal.


"So, so you think you can tell Heaven from Hell,
blue skies from pain.
Can you tell a green field from a cold steel rail?
A smile from a veil?
Do you think you can tell?
And did they get you to trade your heroes for ghosts?
Hot ashes for trees?
Hot air for a cool breeze?
Cold comfort for change?
And did you exchange a walk on part in the war
for a lead role in a cage?
How I wish, how I wish you were here.
We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl,
year after year,
Running over the same old ground.
What have we found?
The same old fears.
Wish you were here."


Simply BEAUTIFUL ..... what say?