All Along The Watchtower

What is in the air?
Why isn't every indivisual allowed to speak their own raw thoughts?
Why are children always considered to be wrong, and adults right?
Why are adults so insecure to admit that they are wrong?
Why are youngsters so afraid to tell adults they are wrong(when they actually are)?
Isn't "grey" the perfect colour to define today's world?
If we are facing a horrible case of gloabal warming, why are people so cold?
Why has childhood lost all meaning?
Why are parents against good ol' teen fun?
I mean, we aren't that wild,are we?
But to come to think of it, weren't our parents much more wilder than us?
Whats the whole point of becoming successfull professionally and having a huge bank account, if u can't recognize your own self in a crowd?
Isnt life all about getting to know yourself?
What IS the meaning of life anyway?
Is Friendship the only reality?
Wait..but Dont dreams define reality?
Why are we so comfortable taking off our masks to "anonymous"?
Why dont people TRY and reognize themselves?
Why are people SCARED of recognizing themselves?
Why are tears so powerful?
How can tears be so lifeless yet so powerful?
Why are people afraid of change?
Isnt change the ONLY thing making life exciting?
DO material assests REALLY define a person?
Why is our elder generation so goddamn conservative?
Why is every indivisual, i meet nowdays, pissed or frustrated?
All of a sudden, WHY is everyone shouting?
WHY is everyone SCREAMING?
WHY is eveyone ANGRY?
WHY have i lost all of my shame?
WHAT IS IN THE AIR??







(Questions running through my mind during the BIO,ENGLISH AND CHEM lecture.Easily,the LONGEST 150 minutes of my life!ARRGH!)

I was a back bencher in school.why i am suddenly a front bencher in college then? Isnt it supposed to be the other way around? And who the heck does Umesh sharma think he is? Just cz of his mistake i missed 2 math lectures "on record" while i had to go through the torture of listening to his bihari accent tell me stuff i already knew since the seventh standard.my life is such a mess.i cant sit anymore. my butt is aching to bad. this wooden bench sucks.

The class breaks into loud laughter.

I hope they are not laughing at me and my thoughts. Well, i dont care if they do anyway .

I think the English Prof. was impersonationg Prem Chopra from "bobby" , the film. Doesnt he have a life?

I doodle pretty well.I see i've doodled the words "I HAVE BECOME COMFORTABLY NUMB" on my disgusting english textbook.Its the same thing written on the T-shirt I have worn today.

I run into one of my close friend's boyfriend,outside college , on my walk back home. He is the most popular guy in college. People around him wonder why he is talking to some unknown loner ? well, they dont know we were pretty good friends too.he was my classmate. I give a damn to the girls throwing my "envious" glances.

My dad greets me with a " chalo, go bid sahil goodbye " as i enter home first time after 6.am.
OH YES , sahil bhaiya is leaving for the US today. He gave his GRE , and is going to US to do his M.s in University of brooklynn is it? BAhh, he is going to new york. Thats all i know. He looks excited. His rugged face actually looks clean now. OH, he shaved ! I shout a "best of luck" as he enters into the lift. My parents start with the usual "the boy worked hard and got his result. See shonai, u have to be dedicated too. Nothing is gonna happen if u listen to backstreet boys all day long"

I leave the room. First , why do the always assume i am listening to music all the time? and why do they think i still listen to Backstreet boys?

Life is confusing. Especially mine? Why dont i get anything i want easily? Why do i always have to work and strive double to achieve what i want. ITs not FAIR! why do my friends get stuff done eaily and not me? Why do they get to use the elevator while i have to go by the stairs?

I just read my friend's email. she movd to a boarding school after 10th. The boarding school is based on the american system , so she is having the time of her life. She was my closest friend since 4 th standard. Her brother is in IIT powai .( a dream far far far away frm me).
I miss her.

Some guy on msn is bugging me now.I think i should go block him now.

I open my eyes
I try to see but I’m blinded by the white light
I can’t remember how
I can’t remember why
I’m lying here tonight
And I can’t stand the pain
And I can’t make it go away
No I can’t stand the pain
How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
I’ve got no where to run
The night goes on
As I’m fading away
I’m sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me


"UNTITLED" BY Simple Plan ..(I really really like their songs.........)

"So didi, who is your best friend? "
A little girl in my building asks me this Question as we both are waiting for the elevator.
"................."
I have NOTHING too say!

I just recently realized I have NEVER had a best friend in my entire life ! There are stories , epic's based on best friends and their relationship. And here i am, lacking one thing which every one seems to have , a best friend .

Then I started analyzing my life.I have had many Close friends. I could bitch about anyone in front of them, paper chat with them during the geography and hindi classes in school (history and civics i was too busy shotuing and debating with the teacher! .. i swear i liked History and civics! ). I would hang out after school with these close friends. That kind of thing. But even under the catagory of "close friends" i had further divided it into "VERY close friends" and "Just close friends" .

BUT NO ONE EVER , made it to the last level of best friend.

During the end of 10th standard, me and two of my other "Just close friends" pavithra and advait, started talking more than usual. Since we would be up all the nights studying, they would call up on my cell and we would conference till the early mornings.sometimes THROUGHOUT THE NIGHT.

We would talk about ANYTHING under the sun. Everyday was a new topic to talk about.One night it was about football, the other about food, or we would ask each other RANDOM senseless questions to which we would answer truthfully( Example : Do you look at urself , when you are naked, in the mirror? Would you rather be obese or extremely thin? Advait, did you ever get an erection during any class ( Me & pavithra used to ask da MOST DISGUSTING QUESTIONS ... dat even ady didnt want to answer ) Would u buy Zidane or Ronaldinho? where do you think we will be in 15 years?et al )

I was actually explaning World war II (my fav topic) to advait, befor the HISTORY board exam in tapori language like "Causes of world war II: Bismarks diplomacy - Bismark created a rift between germany and France by .... " became " there was this dude called bismark .. uska france ke saath lafda ho gaya tha.... phir jab woh tapak gaya .... "

I became extremely close to them. I am their best friend.But they are not mine. They have told me every deepest secret of theirs , their problems .

But i could never share my deepest secrets nor my problems.

I dont know why. I guess it just makes me very uneasy maybe.

I always find solace in the fact that my secrets are safe with me, and no one knows what problems i am facing.

i guess i am a loner. I loner who is an extrovert too(weird combo..isnt it?) . anyone who knows me, will NEVER believe that i am a loner. THAT i LIKE being a loner.I love it. I love thinking and talking to myself. I love lying under the night sky and staring at the stars. I love staring into the sea.I love walking in the rain for hours.I love listening to Pink Floyd.I love being alone.

Once i had read in a book that "Despite their fixation on frienship, most aquarians do not have many intimates . they seek quantity rather than qualityin their associations, and they seldom settle down to a steady realtionship for more than a limited period.Usually, a peculiar kind of isolation hangs over the aquarian"

You think that is what it is?If it is.. are all aquarians like this? Well, maybe....

Untill i figure out this whole stiuation properly ... My best friend?
I'm guessing its me, myself and I.

"Wish u were here" by Pink Floyd is playing on Limewire, as i search for another particular Pink Floyd song called "Coming back to life".

I really not in a mood to talk or to listen to anyone talk.First symptoms of me turning into an actual loner?? MAY BE.

I cant wait for the Clock to strike 12. I have to leave for college then.Have to leave for my JEE classes directly after that.*sigh* .. following the typical middle-class fantasy of cracking IIT-JEE , sometimes I just hope that after these two grinding years for preapring for JEE , it is all worthwhile.That I will actually make it into ONE of those IIT's .

I never really realized how deep lyrics could get.Untill 5 years back, deep lyrics to me meant the Backstreet Boys crooning "As long as you love me..."

I recently got introduced as well as addicted to Pink Floyd after listing to a 2 hour Pink floyd special on the radio, late one night , while jotting down a few of my thoughts in my journal.


"So, so you think you can tell Heaven from Hell,
blue skies from pain.
Can you tell a green field from a cold steel rail?
A smile from a veil?
Do you think you can tell?
And did they get you to trade your heroes for ghosts?
Hot ashes for trees?
Hot air for a cool breeze?
Cold comfort for change?
And did you exchange a walk on part in the war
for a lead role in a cage?
How I wish, how I wish you were here.
We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl,
year after year,
Running over the same old ground.
What have we found?
The same old fears.
Wish you were here."


Simply BEAUTIFUL ..... what say?